It is all a conspiracy
First the unmistakable smell: a wet greasy anorak entering a centrally heated
building. Then the rustle of a plastic bag, the clearing of the throat....Yes,
it's that man again. If you thought it was a conspiracy, you were right.
When he's not at the next table in the pub or on the bus seat behind you
sucking loudly on a Fisherman's Friend, he's here, queuing for a conspiracy
convention. He sneers at the camera crews. 'This has been going on for years',
he confides in a loud stage whisper. 'The press are only here because of
the prestige of an international conference.'
Dream on. There had been some interest in 'The First International Conference
that Exposes a Global Deception', but most reports overlooked the 'prestige'
and concentrated on the rather disappointing ticket sales (100 sold for
the 12 000-seat Wembley Arena). Let's be honest, the press are here to take
the piss. But then they would, wouldn't they? After all, who controls them?....Exactly.
They do. And who are they? Capitalists? Communists? Jews?
An impressive array of international experts are here to set the record
'Most children who disappear don't end up being sacrificed by Satanic cults',
says Vladimir Terziski (BSc physics, MSc electronics), as though he resents
having to waste valuable seconds dismissing such nonsense. No, they are
taken to subterranean camps in the Brazilian jungle, where Dr Mengele experiments
on them. 'Like the film The Boys from Brazil', he adds helpfully.
Vladimir believes that, for years, the brightest Earthlings have been abducted
and taken to an underground colony on the moon, which is why top scientists
keep disappearing (and presumably why Mr Terziski is still here). There
are also Vatican-funded colonies in the Andes and elsewhere. He has plenty
of pictures of garages and military installations, but none of the underground
parks and waterfalls which he describes so dramatically.
Vladimir believes that all scientific developments are kept from the public
for a century. He draws our attention to an alien from a recent American
billboard advertisement, which he 'has a feeling' is real. He refers repeatedly
to Star Trek, because this is the most accurate picture we have of
what life is like on the moon colony. This is no coincidence - it is one
of the millions of pieces of information that the Illuminati put among us,
to communicate with their people on Earth, safe in the knowledge that the
rest of us will believe it to be fiction.
Vladimir has only two hours to speak, so he rattles through his findings
at great speed. The Nazis colonised the moon. The Rockefeller Institute
funded space ships, hence the moonbase named 'Rockefeller'. In the fifties,
men spent the night on the moon colony before travelling on to Mars the
next day. He shows a diagram of the vehicle's journey. Its trajectory contradicts
the laws of physics, which proves it is true (a hoaxer would have carefully
stuck to backward theories of Earth science, you see). The leading government
magician David Copperfield can make the Statue of Liberty invisible. Pardon?
But we are already moving on, with a film clip of an 'anti-gravity device'
which he 'has a feeling' would have worked (but was sabotaged), and a government-funded
flying saucer which was designed to fail, so as to discredit the idea of
It's all going well until, during a film showing creatures emerging from
the green surface of the moon, somebody sniggers. Vladimir looks up darkly.
The sniggering spreads. There are clearly Illuminati agents in the hall.
Finally one breaks cover. 'Sir', he booms in perfect human tones, 'this
is a joke documentary made by Anglia TV'. Vladimir slowly raises his head
to confront the enemy in our midst. 'I could talk for two hours on this
"fake documentary"', he says bitterly. 'There is no way a science
fiction author could work this out. I have a feeling that what we are seeing
is a representation of a project that took place 100 years ago.'
The film continues. 'This is 1952....' the narrator tells us. 'We believe
it is nineteen sixty-two...', corrects Vladimir. The laughter grows.
Vladimir is angry. 'This is a film, it is not the real thing!', he
snaps. Then he breaks into chilling squeals of laughter. He is about to
make a joke. 'You know, in this annus horribilis, the British need
the PR boost of a moon landing, heh, heh...even if it is really the Illuminati!'
The audience falls silent. There are no more jokes. Most of the agents leave.
A slightly paranoid atmosphere begins to sour the event. 'Members of the
international elite here today', begins the next speaker, David Summers,
letting the sniggerers know that he knows, 'realise that the best way to
hide something is to bring it out in the open. Secret governments don't
always operate from a secret bunker. They sit in parliament. George Bush
is one of the biggest criminals to walk the Earth. 100 000 Iraqi troops
were shot while retreating. We are told about Iraqi "nuclear sites"
but we are never told where they are'. He goes on to explain how Saddam
Hussein and Bush are former allies, how Bush organised CIA drug smuggling,
then fronted the 'war on drugs' and double-crossed General Noriega.
So far, most of this is true, but people are beginning to fidget. He's about
to lose them when, like an escapologist with five seconds left to break out
of a chained sack, Summers produces Henry Kissinger and a Masonic conspiracy
leading back to the elite which controls our minds through the 'New World
But who are they, these Illuminati, with their 'New World Order'?
Eustice Mullins, a 'disciple' of Ezra Pound, finally explained. The US Federal
Reserve financed the First World War and backed the Bolsheviks in order to
bankrupt Russia. Stalinists took over the US Democratic Party and Trotskyists
took over the Republicans (hence the Reaganites hated the Soviet 'evil empire'
because 'Stalin had murdered their god'). So the communists are sabotaging
the free market, using the Federal Reserve system.
There you have it. Communists backed by Nazis on the moon. The weird beards
next to me had read about the conference in UFO News and wore open
sandals with socks. They seemed well satisfied. One was telepathic, and I
hoped he wasn't reading my mind. I escaped outside to talk to the Wembley
staff. 'They're all mad in there', said one, 'they reckon Saddam Hussein
and George Bush used to be on the same side'. Heads shook sorrowfully.
Now Dr Mengele camps, that's different. They've got them in Bosnia now - it's
been in all the papers.
Reproduced from Living Marxism issue 53, March 1993