Signs of the times

Harlequins rugby club will be providing anger management courses for its players so that the on-field aggression doesn't spill over into off-field violence. Two players have been jailed for assaults on a librarian

The US Army has recognised 'white witches' and appointed chaplains to oversee pagan ceremonies. Pagans are encouraged to have their religion stamped on their dog tags

Bernard Manning's son Bernard junior - or 'Young Bernard' as the 39-year old is commonly known - has been given his father's legendary Embassy Club to do with as he pleases. His plans may come as a shock to his old man: 'My dad was thinking it could make a banqueting suite for weddings [don't think so, somehow] but I'm looking at turning it into an alternative comedy venue'

'Where are they going? Brazil? I hope they get bloody diarrhoea!'
Brian Clough on Manchester United's participation in the World Club Championship. Strangely, Alex Ferguson appeared in court soon afterwards, charged with driving on a hard shoulder. His defence? A severe attack of diarrhoea

'I cannot abide this fixation with stress. Stress is a cliché, and one's life should be devoted to avoiding the cliché in all forms'
Designer Nicky Haslam

'What's wrong with a bit of industrial language in the workplace? What is the world coming to when you can get sent off and fined two weeks' wages for calling a grown man a wanker?'
Paul Gascoigne

'There is nothing going on in the world at the moment that I find distressing or have a view on'
Michael Owen