Signs of the times
'Afterwards he gave me a McDonald's privilege card, so I would get a free burger until July. I couldn't believe his attitude'
Miranda Hall, who had a brief affair with fellow Priory Clinic patient Stan 'last of the big spenders' Collymore
Pupils at Shay Lane Junior Infant School have been asked not to video the school sports day in case the tapes fall into the hands of paedophiles
'For goodness' sake, don't let mummy have another drink'
The Queen's reported orders to a pageboy about to refill the Queen Mother's glass
Ascot College is to train top civil servants - the classics-reading Empire-builders of yesteryear - in 'emotional IQ', and encourage them to develop their feminine side
'Name something that is currently on BBC1 that gets people excited and talking about it. You're struggling'
Noel 'Mr Blobby' Edmonds, who is leaving the BBC in protest over falling standards
Further bad news. Sir Cliff Richard is 'really angry with God' about the murder of Jill Dando
The 'vile' French national anthem La Marseillaise with its talk of 'impure blood' is an incitement to racism, and should be rewritten in accordance with the modern attitudes of a peace-loving nation, argues charity campaigner Abbe Pierre. President Chirac opposes change. Meanwhile, French critics have heaped scorn on a production of Shakespeare's Henry V which casts them in a less-than-heroic light. But the cast is supportive. Star Philippe Torreton said, 'The French were always ready for war. But if you exclude the Napoleonic era, it has always been the last war. In 1940 they were ready for 1914, in 1914 for 1870. And today it's still the same'
Reproduced from LM issue 123, September 1999